I took a word upon myself not to speak about that again. However, I can't ignore your question, and that you wanna know something. That wouldn't be polite or nice of a closest friend. So, I'll have to make an exception and answer, but I'll try to be concise and coherent. Please note, I'm neither upset with you nor blaming you. I have nothing at all against you here. I love you! Don't worry at all! I noticed the messages that you wrote here about you not ever leaving him even if he hurt you... and so on. I wanted to answer but the word that I took upon myself (plus my severe lack of health and energy) stopped me. Now here is the answer to all. I never leave anyone, but people leave me. I never hurt anyone, but people hurt me. No matter what the excuses are, I will never forgive being abandoned. Why? The reasons are as simple as follows:
1. I neither hurt nor abandon anyone, I'm nice to everyone, which means I deserve nothing less than being treated as nicely.
2. I'm not a healthy person, and my illness isn't at all simple or easy, that's why, I always try my utmost best not to interact with strangers unless there is a need. I only interact with selective ones that I decide to open my heart for due to their beautiful souls and intelligence (in the hearts before the brains), and I make sure they know about my illness, so that they could understand how to handle me. Is handling me any difficult? Never! Only be nice and gentle! Am I a bad person? Never! Abandoning someone as sick as I'm and from whom you receive nothing but love, loyalty, respect, care and goodness, is nothing other than betrayal in my own perception.
3. Given my illness, severe pain and the only way I must be handled, which my specialist doctor also said, no one has the right to claim that they know what is best for me, and then act accordingly. Anyone who makes such a claim cause me nothing but unforgivable harm, and to those I have something to say: who are you to decide what's good for me?! Are you a doctor or have anything to do in the field?! Know your place (in the sense of) understand your severe lack of or even zero medical knowledge. Additionally, be grateful that someone whose heart is shut to humans (me) has chosen you, decided to open their heart for you and amidst the severe pain and life disasters shows you nothing but love and smiles...
Okay... Now, after all of this, how do I react to those who hurt or abandon me? Again, I don't hurt anyone, but I simply step away and expel them out of my mind and heart until they correct themselves and apologise for the disappointment and pain that they caused me.